17 Gun Violence Survivors Offer Advice to Parkland Students
This story is a part of Teen Vogue’s ongoing coverage on gun violence and the growing movement for gun control. Be sure to check out our cover feature written by Emma González.
The February 14 shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida revived a youth movement against gun violence in the country. As Parkland students mourned the lives lost in their community, they were simultaneously put under a national spotlight. Embracing the attention, these students have appeared countless times on live television to advocate for gun reform. They’re also not afraid to call out the complicit politicians — from President Trump to Florida Congressional Senator Marco Rubio — who oppose any sensible regulations on guns as well as domestic white male terrorism. And they aren't alone in that activism. More than two months after the shooting, the movement is still forging ahead and holding the national spotlight. On April 20, students across the country are leaving school for the National School Walkout to mark the 19th anniversary of the deadly shooting at Columbine High School in Colorado. They are also calling attention to the ongoing gun violence in the United States, and demanding a change.
But when the cameras disappear, the world can be misled to believe that the survivors’ pain is over, because the media moved onto a different story. Of another shooting, in another city, but still in the same country.
Don’t be fooled. Parkland students still aren’t okay. Remember: we’ve been here before. Black youth have been advocating for gun reform for years. Mass shootings aren’t new. Many survivors never have the chance to share the spotlight and tell their story, further erasing the lingering trauma survivors feel weeks, months, years, and decades after a shooting. Plus, many schools and workplaces don’t offer structured support systems to offer professional mental healthcare to survivors who may struggle with trauma. When we talk more about arming teachers than providing support to survivors, well, that speaks for itself.
While future shootings are unforeseeable, they are predictable if the conditions which enable these shootings aren’t changed. So what happens when the spotlight fades? How do you take care of yourself and carry on?
We spoke with survivors of previous mass shootings with the help of the “I Love U Guys” Foundation and the Dru Project — including Columbine High School, Pulse Night Club, Platte Canyon High School, Sandy Hook Elementary School, Las Vegas, and Kent State University — on what advice they offer Parkland students, from one survivor to another, and other survivors.
To express how prevalent mass shootings have truly become, two survivors we spoke to were connected to other survivors not through their trauma, but because they were already related or close friends. Columbine survivor Crystal Miller has been friends with Las Vegas survivor Christy Antonio since they were children; Platte Canyon survivor Chelsea Patz is the big sister of a student survivor at MSDHS.
Here are their responses:
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Andy Brophy1/17Crystal Miller, survivor of the shooting at Columbine High School in 1999 and author of Marked For Life
“I know it feels impossible to imagine a hope or a future beyond this life-altering tragedy you have experienced, but it’s important to know that it does exist. Your tragedy itself does not define you, but your response to the tragedy will set you up for either a life of hope and purpose or a life of bitterness and fear. You now have a choice to make: either let this destroy you, or see it as a new beginning, an opportunity to use this tragedy to make yourself, others and the world around you a better place. After the shootings at Columbine, I made the decision to use my circumstances in bringing hope to others and only then did I see the healing begin in myself. Your story matters. How will you use it?”
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Dustin Downing2/17Mara Marski, survivor of the hostage and shooting at Platte Canyon High School in 2006
“You’re in a club now, and I hate that you’re here, and I hate that there are so many of us, but you are not alone. My best advice to you is just a simple reminder: this thing—this shooting, this tragedy, this massacre—is not who you are, even though it might sometimes feel like that. The events of February 14, and everything that has happened since—the media scrutiny, the politics, the grief, the guilt, the chaos—none of that owns or defines you. People are curious, and often well-meaning, but they will try to insert themselves into what is to them your ‘drama’ and I still haven’t figured out why, but you don’t owe them anything. You fell victim to a horrible act of violence, but you don’t have to be a victim your whole life. You don’t have to be anyone’s martyr. You are so young, and this will stay with you forever, but don’t let it become you. Don’t let it harden you. Don’t let it take anything else from you. You have already learned how dark the world can be, but I promise that it is also full of light and wonder and adventure that’s just waiting to be discovered. No two people handle grief the same. Your experience is different from mine, and it’s different from the students of Columbine, and it’s different from your classmates even, but lean on them. Lean on us. Make a community of your neighbors and move forward. Weep together, grieve together, remember together, but learn how to laugh again together too."
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Samantha Walker3/17Samantha Walker, survivor of the hostage and shooting at Platte Canyon High School in 2006
“It’s been over ten years since the shooting that took place in my classroom at Platte Canyon High School, but each new shooting that occurs in schools across the United States still brings my mind back to that day and the days afterward. I want the Parkland students to know that there is no time limit set for healing, however long it takes you. It will be different for each of you. It is time that no one can say is too much or too little. For me, I wish someone had told me I didn’t have to deal with it all at once, and that survivor’s guilt was not only normal, but expected. Whatever you are feeling is valid and you shouldn’t be embarrassed to express it. You are survivors not just because you are alive, but because you continue living and growing as people."
Jonathan McBride4/17Gary Fincke, survivor of the shooting at Kent State University in 1970
“In 1970, Kent State was a relatively conservative campus. The presence of the National Guard was unnerving, as if we were being invaded. And yes, I was naive enough to believe nothing ‘serious’ could happen. I was already skeptical about authority's assurances. I learned to rely on myself and what I could discover first-hand. The rest is someone else's agenda. Trust your eyes and ears.”
Prestige Senior Portraits5/17Nicole Germak, survivor of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in 2012
“I have been in your position, the helplessness and utter heartbreak. I went to Sandy Hook from 2006 to 2010 where I experienced my most important and sentimental memories. Memories I will never forget and I will always hold very close to me. Do not give up on fighting to prevent these horrible monstrosities. You are not alone and the one thing we can do is stick together and not forget. Our towns aren’t a location of tragedy; they are the beginning of a revolution. Love from Sandy Hook.”
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Albert Harris6/17Brandon Wolf, survivor of the shooting at Pulse Night Club in 2016
“My advice to Parkland students and future survivors is to allow time for healing. So often, we get swept up in the fight for change and it becomes cathartic for us, but it’s important to remember to self care. Rest, breathe, pass the baton from time to time. The fight will be long, but the whole country has your back.”
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Lyndsey Lew Photography7/17Christy Antonio, survivor of the shooting in Las Vegas in 2017
“Understand that no two people will process the same event in the same way. Those who have not experienced something like this will either support you or they won’t. I have gained many new friends and lost a few. Know that what you are feeling is real and don’t let anyone discount that. Honor the lives of those lost by living and loving those around you.”
Chelsea Paz8/17Chelsea Paz, survivor of the hostage and shooting at Platte Canyon High School in 2006 and sister of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School student (pictured below)
“There is no right or wrong way to grieve, so it is important not to judge or to feel judged. Don't feel pressured or embarrassed to seek professional help from a therapist. Recovering from a traumatic event does not happen overnight, so get help when the time is right—whether it be today, tomorrow, a week, a month or several years from now. It is important to find hobbies or techniques that keep yourself present when your mind starts to overpower you with sad, angry or scary thoughts. I found that when I sing, dance, do math equations or repurposing old furniture (which I am terrible at), I become so consumed with what I was doing at that moment, that there was no room for any other thought. When none of those options above are plausible, like when you are in class, I found it helpful to not ignore my thoughts, but tell myself I will think about them after class, because in all reality, ignoring your thoughts will not make them go away. Do not let this moment define you, you are more than just a survivor, you are a person with goals and dreams. No one's actions should derail you from following what you want to do in life. One day, I promise you, this trauma will not be the main focus in your life or of the lives of those around you. It's okay to move on, it's healthy to move on, but always remember, so you are vigilant of your surroundings and can advocate for change when you have the opportunity.”
Sharon Pierce9/17Grace Frost, survivor of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in 2012
“Understand that throughout your life when you tell people you are a survivor, some will be insensitive. Some will make jokes. Just remember that you are stronger than them and a part of a community that is now more of a family. Take your anger and contempt and turn it into something positive. Always be kind and always lend a helping hand to someone who needs it.”
Sonny Canfora10/17Alan Canfora, survivor of the shooting at Kent State University in 1970
“After we were shot down at Kent State, I was surprised by the death threats and insults expressed by ignorant haters. Why do they always blame the victims? But the great wave of protests and student strikes across America was so inspiring — then and now. I decided to speak for those who cannot cry out from their graves. This is a healing path forward toward your brighter future by turning personal grief into action and impact for our entire nation. I salute you!”
Tate Graham11/17Missy Jenkins, survivor of the shooting Heath High School in 1997
“On December 1, 1997 I and 7 other classmates were shot while attending a morning prayer group in the lobby of Heath High School in Paducah, Kentucky. Three girls were killed and I was left paralyzed from the chest down. I was very fortunate to discover forgiveness in the beginning. I learned that that forgiveness was for me and not for the shooter who still dealt with the consequences of his actions and not me which would have been unhealthy anger that wouldn’t change what happened. I also learned to look for what was positive in my life and to not focus on the negative which I know gave me the life I have today, making me a happier person, a mother of two blessings my boys Logan and Carter, a wonderful husband, and a career as a school counselor, author and public speaking about violence prevention. Your attitude is everything. You have the choice to choose what you want in life and I chose to be happy. The shooting may have taken my ability to walk but it wasn’t going to take my happiness away!”
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Northern Illinois University12/17Patrick Korellis, survivor of the shooting at Northern Illinois University in 2008
“After the shooting at my university (Northern Illinois University), I spoke with victims from Virginia Tech. Having a connection with someone that went through a similar situation as you, is what helps the most. Recovering from a shooting will take time; there will be obstacles you will overcome in your own timeframe. If you are ever feeling upset, speak with someone. Having a support group around you is very important. You will still have lingering effects, such as PTSD from loud noises. I still do 10 years later.”
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Randall Miller13/17Russell Foltz-Smith, survivor of the shooting in Aurora in 1993.
“Whatever you choose to do, whatever you become, however you honor your friends, family and self is enough. Your existence is enough. Thank you for being.”
Meghan Berlingo14/17Kasey Dorris, survivor of the shooting at Frontier Middle School in 1996
“When a shooting took place at my junior high in 1996, social media wasn't around so to have the evening news from our small town infiltrate and try to interview anyone they could was a huge deal for that time. I avoided being interviewed as much as I could because I didn't know how to summarize what I was feeling. I was only 12. In a way, I'm thankful that these kids have social media as a way to bond, cope or share their healing processes. I would encourage anyone who has experienced such a life-changing even to use the vulnerability of their position and reach out to a mental health professional to make the path back to normalcy as safely and quickly as possible.”
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Mickey Liebrecht15/17Mickey Liebrecht, survivor of the Arapahoe High School shooting in 2013
“All people are different, so I cannot tell you what to do, but I will tell you the one thing I wish I’d accepted before. This event and its effects are going to stay with you all your life. Not everyone will understand, and at times you may not even understand it all yourself — the effects, not what happened and what’s been happening to us all — but it will be your companion for life. It will never leave you, and don’t let anyone tell you that it’s wrong, that you need to get over it, or you’re too emotional to know what’s what — it does not define you, it just lives with you. Your voice matters as does your mind, it's yours whether you like it or not, and I’ve found it easier to use my voice to make friends with my mind by telling my story over and over again, living with the emotions and the scars that I now accept will stay with me the rest of my life.”
Dottie Johnson16/17Missy Dodds, survivor of the shooting at Red Lake High School in 2005
“As the shock and numbness wear off, you are going to feel many emotion: pain, sadness, guilt, anger, and even laughter and happiness. It’s okay. The experience each of these feelings are normal and part of the healing process. As these feelings come, take your time and pay attention to each one. Tell someone or write about how these thoughts affect you. Each one is important because they will help you put your soul back together. Take as much time as you need to find peace. You are not alone. We care about you. God bless.”
Kelly Terifay17/17Kelly Terifay, survivor of the Sandy Hook shooting in 2012
“In the aftermath, it’s easy to get caught up in other things, in being an activist or honoring the lost or helping the families. Those things can become your first priority. It is important to remember that you have been through something too and that your experiences matter as much as anyone else’s. You have to keep time to heal and focus on yourself. And know you can always call on your friends in Newtown.”
