Fat Sex: Best Positions, Props, Preparation and Other Tips

The F Word is a series celebrating what it means to be fat.

How do fat people have sex? Just like everyone else, of course! Fat sex, skinny sex, or any sex in between, it’s all about what feels right, no matter what size you are. When you’re ready to hop in bed with a consenting partner (or if you’re looking for a self-love session) we want you to feel prepared and confident. Honestly, there’s nothing super special you need to know about how to have sex if you’re fat — people of all sizes have sex all the time! — but there are a few tips and tricks that you should feel empowered to try out if they sound helpful or like fun.

Ultimately, that’s what this guide is about — feeling empowered during sex if you’re fat. Self-consciousness during sex is something a lot of people experience, but the voice of fatphobic culture in particular wants us to worry about how our bodies are perceived instead of getting to just enjoy the moment. And truly, what’s the point of these moments if we can’t enjoy them fully?! When insecurity starts to creep in, it can help to remember that your partner is consenting to have sex with you — not an imaginary, skinnier version of you. Just you. No matter your size, picking a partner who's respectful and enthusiastic is key. And, as with any sexual encounter, be sure to discuss consent, protection, birth control, and boundaries before getting to know each other biblically.

Below, we’ve compiled some tips on how to have the best fat sex possible, and how you can feel powerful doing it. Bodies of all sizes can enjoy these tips, because fat sex — once again, to say it louder for the people in the back! — is not some separate category of intimacy. And it’s definitely not something we need to talk about clinically, which happens way too often in societal conversations about fat sex. Sex is sex. Talking about it can be hot and fun, and experimenting with how you like to do it can be even more fun. So get ready to take notes.

In this article, find:

• Fat Sex Tips for People of All Genders
• Best Sex Positions for Fat People
• Fat Sex Myths it’s Time to Get Rid of

Your body is something to experience and enjoy. It’s not about having “fat sex” — it’s about having good sex. And good sex is for everybody! The main goals here are comfort, connection, and fun, not contorting yourself into strange positions that don’t actually feel good.

Whether you’re working with a penis or a vagina, below are some tips and tricks for fat people that can maximize pleasure. Because isn’t that why we’re here?

First things first, sex should be consensual and safe, every time, for everybody. Rather than being a mood-killer, talking about sex before you have it — from birth control and STI prevention to any hard or soft limits — can be its own kind of foreplay. (This is, after all, sex talk with someone you want to have sex with; the temperature can turn up pretty quickly!)

Check in with each other IRL or by text before it’s game on. You can always use that opportunity to share whether you have any favorite positions (and FYI, we’ll share some top-tier fat sex positions soon); that can help if you’re someone who overthinks how your body feels or moves in the moment. And take a minute if you’ve got one to set your physical space up for comfort. A little mood lighting never hurts, and adjusting the temperature or stashing an extra towel nearby can be great if things get extra sweaty and slick.

Setting expectations and thinking through details early can help take the pressure off when the fun starts happening.

Friction might be fine when, say, getting a massage, but it’s usually not much fun for genitals. Along with whichever birth control or STI prevention tools you’re using — whether that’s condoms, internal condoms, dental dams, or another method like hormonal birth control or an IUD — make sure you’ve got a good body-safe lube on hand, too. A water-based option like Sliquid is great for most toys and safer sex barriers, while silicone lube can last longer if you’re skipping silicone toys. (Just make sure no one has any silicone allergies!)

For people with bigger bodies, lube isn’t just for what’s happening inside — it can also help wherever skin meets skin! A little on the inner thighs, around the vulva or base of the penis, or along any spots where heat builds up can reduce friction and make everything feel smoother. It’s also a must for anal sex, and during any kind of penetration, it’ll help reduce dryness, prevent micro-tears, and make things more pleasurable. So don’t skimp on the lubricant, people!

Hint: There’s no wrong answer! Feeling sexy doesn’t have to look like what you’ve seen in ads; it’s about finding what makes you feel turned on, powerful, and present in your body. For some, that means slipping into something more *ahem* comfortable. If lingerie is your thing, there are tons of brands making pieces that celebrate every inch of fuller bodies. Savage X Fenty, Parade, Adore Me, Elomi, and Playful Promises are just a few brands offering extended sizes, and cantiqLA and TomboyX are faves for gender spectrum-inclusive plus size lingerie.

For others, your vibe might be a little more pared-down: a soft tee or mesh tank, a jockstrap, or going full nude, letting skin-on-skin contact and the lighting work their magic. The key is to do whatever helps you start feeling yourself instead of watching yourself (unless watching yourself is literally your thing!).

If you’re a fan of using sex toys or are curious to give them a try during your next romp, choosing ones with curves, bends or long handles can make it easier to navigate over a prodigious stomach or bountiful butt. Toys with flexible shafts or handles that rotate or angle are especially useful for finding what feels good while feeling comfortable and relaxed.

For people with vaginas, a classic wand-style vibrator-massager (like the Magic Wand Original or Rechargeable) is often a safe bet. The long handle gives you reach, and the broad, rounded head delivers deep, rumbly external vibration without requiring acrobatics. If you want something more pinpointed, smaller bullet vibrators can deliver focused stimulation to the clit or labia and are easy to hold during partner play, too.

For people with penises, toys can be just as game-changing. A textured sleeve or stroker can add sensation, a vibrating ring can enhance pleasure for both parties, and a wand pressed against the penis’s base or perineum can deliver full-body waves. If full penetration is ever tricky because of size or angles, think of toys as part of your package (wink wink), not a backup plan. Pleasure is pleasure, no matter the delivery system!

Let’s talk about the real MVPs of fat sex: pillows. For a person of size, a strategically placed pillow — or even better, something sturdier like the Liberator Wedge, which is made out of industrial foam — are your best friends. For us fat folk, simply placing a pillow or two under the receiver’s hips will bring our milkshake closer to the yard (so to speak), lifting the pelvis, shifting the belly naturally, and making penetration more comfortable and satisfying.

Props work both ways: they can make it easier to thrust without strain, or help receivers find an angle that feels deeper, smoother, or just different. And no matter your size, they’re also just a fun way to experience different angles and sensations. A little lift can make a big difference.

Bodies make noise, and that includes breathing harder when things get heated. Getting winded during sex is normal, especially when things are energetic, positions shift, or there’s extra body-to-body contact. Instead of panicking or pulling away, take it as a cue to slow down, change positions, or take a short break together. Stamina looks different for everyone, and taking a breather isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s just good pacing!

If you notice yourself getting winded, try switching to oral, toys, or mutual touch — something that keeps intimacy going without demanding as much physical exertion. Sex doesn’t have to be all continuous motion; pausing for a sip of water, a deep breath, or a laugh can actually make things feel more connected. And just remember, heavy breathing is a sign your body is doing something intense. Own it!

Masturbation is a good idea for anyone, whether you’re working with a penis or a vagina. It’s one of the best ways to explore what feels good, understand your arousal patterns, and get comfortable in your body without the pressure of performing for someone else.

For the plus-size set, one of the most popular positions to masturbate in is on one’s back. When lying down on your back, pop a couple of those pillows under your hips and watch gravity work its magic. Any flowy girth on your stomach recedes in and to the side, making a clearer path for your hands or a toy to reach your vulva, clit, or penis without strain.

You can also try a pose called “Fifth Position.” Start by laying on your back, opening your legs and bringing the soles of your feet together (or get as close as feels right). Bringing your feet together in this way opens up the genital area for easier access to your most sensitive spots. Add in a mirror if you want to explore visually, too!

We’ll say it again: Fatphobic culture is what trains us to think about how our bodies appear, even in the most private, intimate moments and honestly no matter what size we are. It can feel like there’s a camera running in your head, analyzing every angle. But the truth is that your partner isn’t thinking about that — they’re way more likely locked into their own sensations. And sex gets infinitely better when you stop directing the imaginary movie and start experiencing the scene.

If you notice your brain drifting into self-conscious thoughts (“How do I look right now?”), try grounding yourself in your senses. From the press of skin and the rhythm of your breathing to the warmth of your partner’s body, these are some of the real markers of pleasure and things that help pull you into the moment. You can also pause and try asking yourself a question: What does this touch feel like? What sound is turning me on? What do I want next?

Sex doesn’t end when you stop touching! Aftercare matters, and for fat folks, that sometimes includes giving your skin a little extra TLC. Friction, heat, and moisture can make skin more sensitive, especially around thighs, under breasts or bellies, or in folds.

Keep a warm washcloth or unscented body wipes nearby so you can freshen up without an immediate bathroom trek. If you’re prone to irritation, a gentle rinse with water or a pH-balanced cleanser can help prevent itching or discomfort later. Once you’re clean, dry off completely — a quick pat-down with a soft towel does the trick — and if you have areas that trap moisture, dust on a light body powder or smooth on a balm formulated for chafing. (Megababe and Monistat make good options!)

Taking those extra few minutes shows respect for your body — you know, the one that just worked hard, had fun, and deserves to feel good afterward, too!

We’ve already said that fat sex is just like any sex — wonderful, amazing, mind-blowing (or at least that’s the goal!). But with that said, there are some sex positions for fat people that tend to make things even better. You should feel empowered to try any sex position that looks fun to you, but here are some tried and true ones that are especially easy to adapt to whatever your body needs.

Missionary is one of the most popular and versatile sex positions for fat couples (or for sex where one partner is fat) you can try. It’s great because it’s totally achievable for just about any body size, and allows for a close connection with your partner.

If you’re wondering how missionary-style sex for fat people works, it’s achieved by the receiver (the person receiving the penetration) laying on their back while the giver (the person penetrating) lays on top of them and enters. Just like “Fifth Position,” a pillow under hips during sex is a great way to both elevate the receiver’s hips for penetration and let tummy flesh fall back, making access to genitals more available. This pillow “trick” will make just about any configuration of the giver on top/receiver on bottom position easy-peasy.

Doggie-style is also a position that can be easily adjusted to make coming from behind one of the more comfortable plus-size sex positions. How do fat people have sex in the doggie-style position, you ask? In a few ways:

• The receiver gets on their hands and knees and the giver kneels behind them to enter. This position makes it easy for the giver to spread the butt cheeks with their hands if they need better access to the vagina or anus. Instead of supporting their body with their hands, many receivers find it more comfortable to rest on their forearms instead.
• If back pain tends to be a concern in this position as a receiver, try resting your chest and hugging a couple of those all-important pillows. It can take the pressure off your lower back and make the angle more comfortable.
• And if kneeling is uncomfortable as either the giver or receiver, you can still enjoy this position with both parties standing and the receiver bending over something — whether that’s the edge of the bed or something taller and sturdier, like the kitchen counter or the arm of a couch. With the receiver supported by furniture and the giver able to stand and move freely, you get a wider range of motion and better control over depth and rhythm, without the joint strain.

One of the hottest sex positions for fat people is the one traditionally called “Cowgirl.” It’s where the receiver is on top facing the giver, who’s laying on their back. The receiver then straddles their hips and lowers themselves down so the giver can enter. A lot of people find that this position is great for deeper penetration and for stimulating the G-spot or the P-spot (prostate) nicely.

If the giver has a larger tummy, again adding a pillow under hips during sex works wonders, this time for the giver. And if the receiver is larger, they’re in a great position to hold up their stomach or spread their butt cheeks. If sitting upright on your partner is challenging for the receiver, then laying forward onto the giver’s chest while they thrust is not only easier on the back, but can create more intimacy between both of you.

For a spicier twist, you can also flip it around and go Reverse Cowgirl, with the receiver facing away from the giver instead. This variation gives the receiver full control over pace and depth while offering a different angle of penetration — plus, it can help both partners navigate bellies and thighs more easily without losing intensity.

Leaning forward and resting your hands on your partner’s thighs or the bed can take pressure off your knees and back, while still letting you move at your own rhythm. It’s also a great position for anyone who wants to focus on sensation rather than eye contact; think more of a slow grind than a bounce. Adding — you guessed it — a pillow under the giver’s hips can elevate the angle even more, making this one as comfortable as it is hot.

Get ready to channel your inner diva butterfly with this position. There are a bunch of variations for how to work this, but in short, the giver stands at the edge of the bed (or any surface, really) and the receiver lies flat on the bed (or other surface) with their legs hanging over the edge.

When it’s time to get started, the receiver puts their legs up, resting their feet on the giver’s shoulders while they enter. For fat people having sex in this position, the bonus is in the deep penetration the giver is able to achieve. The giver can easily adjust angles without putting their full weight on the receiver, which helps keep things comfortable and hot at the same time.

Combining the deep penetration of doggie style and the direct eye contact of the missionary position, the pretzel can be one of the most satisfying sex positions to try. It’s great for fat sex, since the offset angle makes navigating a full belly or butt a snap.

Here, the receiver lies on their side while the giver then straddles one leg and lifts the other for easy entrance. This position can be done with both partners on the bed, or with the giver standing and the receiver’s legs hanging off the bed. Try both ways to see which feels most satisfying to you.

This one’s best for when you want to go slow and feel every movement. To get into position, the receiver lies flat on their stomach with their legs together, while the giver straddles them from behind, facing the same direction. The giver then enters while kneeling for deep, steady penetration and a ton of body contact.

For fat givers, The Jockey can be a great option because it doesn’t require holding yourself up on your arms or hovering above your partner — everything stays supported. For receivers, it creates a snug, secure feeling that can feel incredibly intimate (and intense). Adding a pillow under the receiver’s hips can help adjust the angle, while lube keeps friction low where skin meets skin.

For all the ways fat people have always been sexy, the world sometimes loves to act shocked by it. Fat sex has faced its share of myths that range from condescending to downright ridiculous — all of which deserve to be retired immediately. Let’s clear a few things up once and for all, because fat sex isn’t some mysterious challenge to overcome; it’s just sex. Plain, hot, human sex.

We've probably all heard of the show Sex Sent Me to the ER, which just goes to show that people of any size could hurt their partner during sex. Luckily, open communication and telling your partner if you need to switch positions can help avoid sex injuries — which fat people are not especially prone to causing!

This isn't just a myth, it's a narrow-minded way of thinking. Beauty standards certainly tell us what we're supposed to consider sexy, but in the real world of sexual attraction, size isn't some default factor. As we've stated already, fat people have sex — and like anyone, fat people can have great sex, with all kinds of people, in all different ways. Different bodies can create different kinds of sensations, so why not explore?

Um, wrong. Desire isn’t size-dependent, and fat people can have just as high (or just as low!) of a libido as anyone else. Fat people are just as capable of wanting, enjoying, and initiating sex — and if anything, fat folks often become experts at creative, communicative, and deeply body-aware sex precisely because they’ve had to tune out the noise of shame culture. Fat people don’t just like sex — they can be damn good at it.

This myth shows up in the same way a lot of fatphobic assumptions do: by confusing body size with personality. Fat people can be dominant, submissive, energetic, kinky, experimental — or none of the above. There’s no one-size-fits-all bedroom dynamic, and assuming otherwise says more about the other person’s imagination than the fat person’s abilities.

This one’s beyond toxic and deeply rooted in shame culture. No one should feel “lucky” to be wanted. Fat people deserve enthusiastic partners, mutual pleasure, and great sex — not discourse that paints them as recipients of charity. Confidence and consent go both ways, and attraction to fat bodies isn’t some moral favor.

Not only is this medically inaccurate, it’s deeply stigmatizing. Health and size aren’t synonyms. Fat people can be strong, flexible, and have incredible stamina; conversely, thin people can struggle with those same things. Good sex is about communication, care, and often a little imagination, not pant size. After all, isn’t the whole point for your pants to wind up on the floor?

If you've gotten this far in this article, it should be immensely clear by now that fat sex doesn't pose any bigger challenges than sex between other kinds of bodies! Sure, you might need to modify a position or use a prop, but that's just part of the fun.

When it comes to sex for fat people, what we’ve put together are just a few of the ways to start. There’s no reason to let the size of your body stop you from trying any position that floats your boat. You may need to refine the position to better fit your needs, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Fat sex is amazing sex, and we all deserve to f*ck our fat hearts out.