At the start of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, survivor of child marriage and internationally-recognized expert on the issue Naila Amin advocates for federal law banning marriage for children under age 18 in this op-ed.
There are a lot of laws in the United States named after children who have died because critical protections didn’t exist for them: The Adam Walsh Act and Caylee’s Law are just a few. These laws honor their namesake, promising to never fail another child in the same way.
But Naila’s Law in New York — which raised the age of consent to wed in the state to 18, effectively outlawing child marriage — is different. It’s named after a living victim: me, a survivor of the very thing the law now bans. I often wonder how different my life would have been if this law was in place when I was a child, before I was forced to marry an adult man. It would have saved me so much trauma, throughout years of my life, freeing me from the fear I still carry. As a mother of a daughter, I vow to protect her and all the other girls of this world to ensure that no child has to go through what I did, ever again.
I was born in Pakistan, but I’ve lived in Queens since I was 4. After a trip to Pakistan, I was told at the age of 8 that I was technically “engaged” to a man more than twice my age. Engaged? More like, betrothed, my “hand in marriage” promised by my parents. We returned to the United States, without my so-called husband, and I did everything I could to try to escape this new reality. I endured abuse; I spent time in foster homes, but they were scary and unknown, and there were no Muslim foster families. Eventually, I returned to my parents's home and ultimately, at the age of 15, we went back to Pakistan where I was forced to marry a cousin. My marriage was recognized by the U.S. government and the state of New York at the time.
On my “wedding day,” I became a victim at the hands of the people who were supposed to keep me safe. By the grace of God, I survived, but in the months that followed my wedding I experienced rape and torture at the hands of my so-called husband. Some days I wonder how I found the strength to carry on. But I did, and now I’m making change. In 2021, the state of New York passed “Naila’s Law,” one of the strongest laws against child marriage in the United States. It sets a minimum age requirement for marriage at 18, no exceptions. I’m proud of this law that bears my name, but my work is not done.
The 37 states and the District of Columbia that still allow some form of child marriage need to follow New York’s example. We need to also pass the federal Child Marriage Prevention Act to invoke nationwide protections, including a ban on conducting child marriages on federal property, changes to U.S. immigration law, and incentives for states to take strong action as New York and 13 other states have done.
No child should be forced into a marriage to create an avenue for our “husbands” to immigrate, or for any other reason. And while the U.S. government already had some policies in place to protect that from happening to me, the policies failed me. It is clear that we need statutory changes in federal law.
I want to be clear that child marriage in the United States is not a problem limited to immigrant families. There are many U.S.-born children from all walks of life forced into marriages before they are able to make that decision freely and voluntarily. Some, like me, are forced into marriage by their families. Some are vulnerable youth groomed by predatory adults. Some marry as a last ditch effort to escape abuse at home. But the remedy for child abuse should never be more child abuse. Children should not be forced to jump from the frying pan into the fire. We need to create lasting protection for any child who needs it, no matter who their parents are or where they were born.
Every year my daughter grows older, I can’t help but think how different her childhood is from mine — and I’m proud of that. I bore all of that pain, for all of those years, not because I deserved it, but because the laws and society allowed it to happen to me. We needed Naila’s Law in New York and we need the Child Marriage Prevention Act across the United States today. This is something I think anyone, regardless of political affiliation or background, can agree with.
