In this installment of Practical Magic, Lisa Stardust shares how she will honor her grandmother with an altar for Día de Los Muertos. Always remember that magic is for believers, but this column can also simply serve as a guide to getting in touch with yourself — magically or not.
I had a feeling something sad was going to happen on July 22. It was my grandmother's birthday, and it turned out to also be the day she died. Our close relationship fostered a psychic connection, so I knew she was ready to transition to the spiritual world. Before she passed, I said my goodbyes, and minutes later, she smiled, closed her eyes, and let go. After years of battling dementia, surviving a heart attack, and a stroke — Grandma Lea was gone. All I could think about was how much I would miss her.
From the day I was born, my grandmother loved me unconditionally, even if I failed a class, forgot to call her at our designated time (every Friday at 3:30), got grounded for fighting with my sister, or got sassy with my teachers. When I needed extra attention in public school due to an extensive list of learning disabilities, she was the first to make me not feel like an outsider. When my parents divorced, she ensured she remained a steady figure in my life. She even sent me care packages filled with sweets for my roommate and me in college.
Since she died, I've felt signs that let me know she's still with me: randomly smelling the scent of her perfume, hearing her voice nearby. Losing her was profound, but feeling her presence makes me still feel close to her. So, this Día de los Muertos, I'll decorate my altar to honor my dear Grandma Lea, communicating to her my lasting loving and respect.
November 1 and 2 mark Día de los Muertos, a Mexican holiday in which people celebrate and honor their dead loved ones. It is believed that, on this day, the spirits of ancestors come visit their relatives. The holiday is commemorated in many ways, including building altars for those who have passed. Altars, or ofrendas, may include colorful flowers, foods that your loved one enjoyed, water and salt to quench thirst after their journey from the other side, a candle, photos of them, and more.
My grandmother was from Cuba. She always told tales from her youth that I marveled at — from her childhood cat that she adored to playing la vuelta al tronco with friends to the smell of fresh pudín de pan that her mom made. She taught me about magic as we did la limpia (an egg cleansing), talked about our dreams, and manifested our goals through glamour and color magic. Sometimes, we’d dress up in matching costumes for Halloween and get our pictures professionally taken at Macy’s. On other days, we'd go for ice cream sundaes after seeing a play or movie. As most Leos do, she made me feel safe and seen. I did the same to her.
That's my goal this Día de los Muertos, to make my grandmother feel safe and seen from the other side, ensuring her that she's still in my mind despite death.
Even though marigolds are traditionally used to honor the dead, I'll be adding sunflowers to my altar. My grandmother used to grow them, and they remind me of her. It's the flower of the zodiac sign Leo, which she has always been proud to be. In the dining room of my grandparent’s apartment hung a portrait of her over the pineapple-printed wallpaper. I procured a piece of the wallpaper and the portrait when she died to put on my altar. I will also use one of the needlepoint pieces we made together, and an I Love Lucy DVD because it was her favorite TV show.
I am making a collage of the memories we shared — like the time we got lost on the subway, the day she took me to afternoon tea, and the time we dressed up as sailors for our annual picture day. I intend to leave one of her fancy empty perfume bottles on my altar, a faint smell of her essence still clinging to it. If I close my eyes, I can smell Chanel No. 5 on her skin. And I will make a champagne cocktail for her with extra maraschino cherries. Plus, a slice of pudín de pan.
Even beyond Día de los Muertos, I don't need to invite Grandma Lea's spirit in to feel close to her. I know her presence is with me. When I light my candles to honor her spirit, I will talk tell her so. Just in case she should ever forget, I'll leave her a letter on my altar, thanking her for the love she gave me growing up and for her acceptance. Every Friday at 3:30 I still hear her laugh and the sound of her blowing me a big kiss on the phone when we’d say goodbye. I will be doing that when I celebrate the love, joy, and generosity she gave to me.
