Wondering how to finger a girl, or anyone who has a vulva? Whether it’s your very first time fingering or you’re trying to finetune your finger sex game, humor us by using your hand for one other thing first — and that’s giving yourself a little pat on the back for looking up fingering tips in the first place.
Fingering can be an under-appreciated art. That’s because most heteronormative sex advice out there treats fingering as the quick foreplay you breeze through before the main P-in-V event. That totally ignores the role fingering can play for queer folks. Not only that, but no one (including straight people!) benefits from sex advice that assigns a hierarchy to different acts. They all deserve time and attention, and fingering is no different, whether you’re trying it out on a partner or giving yourself some love.
Taking the time to learn how to finger matters, especially when you consider there is a wrong way to do it. (Just ask anyone who’s had a finger jammed in them without any warming up!) Plus, it’s not like fingering techniques are reserved only for vaginas. From the clitoris to the anus, fingers can be used pretty much anywhere that feels good, with different zones calling for slightly different moves.
Ready to learn how to finger in a way that’s comfortable and pleasurable for everyone involved? To separate fingering fact from fiction, we spoke with certified sex therapists and educators about what actually makes fingering feel good — from the anatomy behind it to the fingering techniques and positions they recommend most. Remember these the next time you want to try out nature’s built-in sex toy with yourself or a partner.
In this article, find:
What is fingering?
Fingering is the act of stimulating someone's genital area — including the vulva, the vagina, the anus, or another part of the genitals — with your fingers for their and your sexual pleasure. It doesn’t have to be penetrative, though it often is, and it’s something you can also do on your own as part of masturbation.
Before we go any further, let’s schedule in a quick anatomy refresh, shall we? Remember that for people assigned female at birth, the vulva refers to external genitalia while the vagina is your internal genitalia. The vulva includes a few bits, like the clitoris and the Labias majora and minora, or the “lips” that encircle the vagina. All combined, the vulva can look pretty different — in color, shape, and size — from person to person. The vagina comes a bit more standard. Even though the term gets used as a nether-region catch-all, in reality, it’s specifically the muscular tube extending from the vulva to the cervix, meaning most of it can’t be seen externally.
Now that we’ve got the parts down pat, how do you finger them? Suzannah Weiss, certified sex educator and resident sexologist for Fleshy, says “fingering can be external, on the clitoris, or internal, inside the vagina.” External fingering or sometimes blended fingering — where both the outer and inner vagina are stimulated at the same time — typically feels best for many people. Weiss says: “Clitoral stimulation is the source of most orgasms for most people with vulvas, so clitoral fingering will usually be the most effective form of fingering.”
Certified sex therapist Rachel Zar, PhD, LMFT, CST, agrees. “Remember that for most people with vulvas and vaginas, the most sensitive, feel-good sensations don't come from inside the vagina; they come from the vulva, or the parts of the genitals that you can see with your eye and that touch the underwear. Many don't even need or want internal stimulation during fingering.”
That said, everyone is different! According to Weiss, people’s “pelvic nerves are positioned a bit differently, and different people orgasm in different ways.” That’s why she advises “asking your partner what type or area of stimulation works best for them. You can ask them directly or try different techniques and ask what they like most.”
Ready to learn some five-star fingering techniques? We’ll explore recommendations from sexperts next, including fingering tips for both vaginal and anal play and the best fingering positions for comfortable, enjoyable finger sex.
How to finger someone vaginally
Let’s get one thing out of the way first. Before digit-ally getting down (get it?) with someone, do them a favor and give your fingernails a good once-over.
“The stereotype of lesbians having short fingernails does address a common issue of comfort and safety,” says Nicole Prause, PhD, a sexual psychophysiologist and licensed psychologist. “Long and ragged fingernails will tear at the vulva and vagina and are more likely to place bacteria in the vagina that can lead to infections.”
That’s why, according to Prause, you should “always think about good general hygiene, especially keeping nails short and without jagged edges, before fingering around a vagina or vulva.”
Once you’ve checked this box and gotten a verbal, enthusiastic greenlight from your partner — remember, consent is always the first step! — you’re ready to play around and find out, if you catch our drift, with the following fingering techniques.
For some people, preferred sex positions influence how easily or to what degree they experience pleasure. According to Weiss, “Some people really like to be on their backs so they can fully relax and easily spread their legs, which gives them more control over the angle.”
Some people, particularly those fond of fingering from behind, may prefer to be on their stomachs. If that’s true of your partner, Weiss says you can “be behind them and reach around to touch the clitoris or finger them internally, pressing downward.” You can also finger someone “standing up or in the spooning position,” she adds.
Not sure what position your partner prefers? Ask! Position preferences can relate to how a person likes to masturbate on their own, which may “train their body to respond most to stimulation from a particular angle,” Weiss says. Chances are, your partner may already have a go-to position in mind. And if they don’t, you can try a couple out together!
Repeat after us: It’s a marathon, not a sprint! To get started, use one or two fingers to rub your partner’s vulva in slow, rhythmic circles, and apply a “light, gentle touch initially,” per Weiss. She explains: “Overly firm stimulation can become too overwhelming and cause someone to shut down. Less may be more.”
If you think your partner may be ready for or prefer a firmer touch, Weiss says you can ask “how is this?” or “do you want me to press down a little harder?” Building up to a more vigorous pace this way (if that’s what your partner wants!) is almost always going to be better than jumping straight to it. As Weiss says, “It's better to tease someone and gradually pick up the pace or pressure than to overwhelm them.”
When fingering, wetness is key to reducing uncomfortable friction, and lube can help with that.
Zar says: “As the receptive partner gets aroused, some natural lubricant may help things feel slippery and smooth, but there's no reason to rely solely on that. Adding some lubricant to your fingers before touching will make things more comfortable and pleasurable throughout.”
Clits are pretty powerful. For a refresh, Zar describes them as “the most sensitive part of the vulva, packed with nerve endings…(it) sits where the labia meet at the top. It's generally covered by a hood and becomes erect when aroused, much like a penis.”
Because of just how sensitive these nerve endings are, Zar says it “can be helpful to start somewhere else on the vulva and work your way slowly toward the clitoris, starting gently and slowly and increasing intensity as your partner tells you to.” You’re playing a slightly longer, pleasure-enhancing game here — not shooting straight for the bullseye.
Once you’ve reached the clit, you can keep applying the pads of your fingers in rhythmic circles. Use as much of your fingers as possible for a broader, wider surface; you don’t want to be poking at their vulva.
Now, you could try adding in some different motions. Weiss says: “Try multiple kinds of touch and ask which they like best. For instance, try rubbing (the clit) from side to side, up and down, and in circles clockwise and counter-clockwise. Ask which is their favorite, and keep doing that.”
We know we just said it, but it bears repeating: Poking someone when fingering them tends to not feel the best! Bringing in more surface area helps avoid that.
“We may call it ‘fingering,’ but don't be afraid to use your whole hand to press up against the vulva,” Zar says. “Vulvas tend to love diffuse pressure or having something to grind against, and it will also save your finger muscles from getting worn out.”
Fingering someone with a vulva tends to concentrate on a couple specific body parts: namely, your hand and their vulva. But there’s no reason not to branch out.
“There are many erogenous zones throughout the whole body, so don't be shy about adding in kissing, touching with the other hand, or pressing your bodies against each other,” Zar says. “This can raise the pleasure and the eroticism potential of the experience.”
As with all other sex acts, communication during fingering is key. Zar reminds us that “every vulva is different and requires different types of stimulation to feel pleasure, so you really can't know what feels good for your partner unless you ask.”
It’s important to note that fingering should never be painful. “If your partner says ‘ouch’ or has a quick pull-away reaction, the best bet is to stop and reassess,” Zar says. “If you try to enter the vagina and your fingers don't slide in easily, never force your way inside.”
For internal fingering, Weiss says many people “enjoy a ‘come hither’ motion with the fingers, where you’re stroking the upper wall of the vagina. This tends to produce more of a response than simply moving your fingers in and out.”
To try it, start first with one finger before asking if they'd like another. Then, “use one or two of the middle three fingers to finger someone internally and position your hand so that the thumb or palm of your hand is rubbing the clitoris as you move your other finger or fingers in and out,” Weiss says. “This provides your partner with clitoral stimulation even as you are stimulating them internally.”
Want to step things up a notch? Weiss says that “wearing a finger vibrator at this stage can increase the intensity of the stimulation and lead to more orgasms.” If this is your first time fingering, though, it’s likely better to get comfortable with things using only your fingers first, before adding in accessories!
If you’re externally fingering someone and it seems like they could be building toward an orgasm, a word to the wise: Now isn’t the right time to introduce a finger internally, or to otherwise switch up the rhythm you’ve got going.
Hitting the right rhythm — and keeping it for as long as it’s needed — is key to pleasurable sex. Weiss says: “Some people think that once their partner gets really into a fingering session, this is a good time to then start fingering them internally. However, this can be frustrating for someone who orgasms most easily through clitoral stimulation. If a technique is working, it’s best to continue it until they orgasm — and then, if they'd like, ask them if they'd like a finger inside.”
Once your partner has climaxed from one form of fingering, moving to the next may keep the fun going. “Some people who can have multiple orgasms prefer if the first one is external and the next one is internal or blended,” Weiss says. “Switching up the type of stimulation increases the chances of more than one orgasm.”
How to finger someone anally
Recall that finger fun isn’t only for vulvas! Weiss says that “there are many nerve endings around the anus, and the anus shares nerve pathways with the vagina, clitoris, and penis.” Because of that, she says, “many people get pleasure out of anal fingering.”
For people with penises specifically, anal fingering can be a way to reach the prostate — a gland that helps produce semen and, when stimulated, can feel a bit like the G-spot does for people with vaginas. But even for those of us without a prostate, people with all types of body parts — and across all gender identities and sexualities, for the record! — report that butt stuff feels good. Like any form of intimacy, anal fingering may not be for everyone, but if you’re curious and go about it consensually and safely, there’s no reason not to try it.
Ready to explore? Because the anus is structurally different from the vagina, there are some butt-specific fingering techniques you’ll want to know before heading south:
There’s a reason both our vaginal and anal fingering guides start here: clean hands make everything safer and more comfortable! Before any fingers get close to anyone’s body, give your nails a quick inspection and a good wash — bacteria can hang out under fingernails, and sharp edges can cause tiny (and painful) micro-tears in the anus. Trim and file as needed so everything feels smooth.
Before your session, you can also “put a condom around your finger or wear latex gloves if anyone has concerns around hygiene,” Weiss says, noting this can also help reduce the risk of STIs. While transmission through fingering is “unlikely,” she adds, it’s still possible — especially “if there is a cut in someone’s finger.” If you’re unsure of a partner’s STI status, better to play it safe. Bonus tip: you can even buy finger-sized condoms, called finger cots, made just for this purpose!
Warming up is already good advice for fingering vaginas, but for anal fingering, it’s downright essential.
Weiss explains that the anus “does not self-lubricate like the vagina and often provides a tighter fit, especially for those who are new to anal sex.” So, start off gently; stimulating another erogenous zone first, like the clitoris or nipples, can be a good idea. Then, “when your partner is ready,” Weiss says to “make sure to put lube on your finger, and first, run your finger over the outside of the anus and see if that feels pleasurable for them.”
Slow, circular motions or gentle pressure around the outside of the anus can help the anal sphincter — or, the ring of muscles that control its opening and closing — begin to relax naturally, making finger penetration more comfortable. For some people, this phase alone can be plenty satisfying, even without anything stuck inside.
Because it bears repeating: don’t skimp on the lube! The anus itself won’t be contributing any lubrication to your fingering fun, so you’ll probably need to reapply once or twice. Too little lube may cause those anal micro-tears we talked about earlier, which can sting, burn, and leave you open to the risk of infection. So, invest in a good anal lube — nope, lotion or spit doesn’t cut it! — and always use more than you think you’ll need.
If no one involved has a silicone allergy, and if you’re not using silicone sex toys during your session, silicone-based lube is generally the best choice for anal play. It’s thicker, longer-lasting, and stays slippery without constant reapplication.
Start (or stick) with one finger, and check in with your partner about how it feels. Once you’re inside, skip any fast in-and-out motions. You can always pick up the pace later, but in general, slower and more deliberate movements tend to feel better.
This could also be a good time to take a page from the vaginal fingering playbook. Weiss says: “As with vaginal fingering, many people enjoy anal fingering in a ‘come hither’ motion — that is, curving the finger upward if you are facing the person or downward if you are behind them.”
FYI, if you’re fingering someone with a penis and aiming to stimulate the prostate, imagine a small, rounded bump about two inches into the anus — it may feel slightly firmer than the surrounding tissue. Gentle, rhythmic pressure here (not poking!) is usually more pleasurable than fast thrusting.
Different fingering positions can make anal play more satisfying. When being fingered by a partner, some people like lying on their back or side with their knees pulled toward their chest. This position can be especially good for prostate stimulation using that “come hither” motion, since the giver can easily face their palm upward and curl their finger toward the receiver’s belly button.
Others might prefer standing and leaning forward, being on their hands and knees, or lying on their stomach with a pillow under their hips to get fingered. The key is finding a position that helps the receiving partner relax their pelvic muscles and breathe deeply, since tension can make things feel tighter and less enjoyable.
And FYI, if you’re focusing on external stimulation, the butt cheeks themselves and the area between the anus and genitals (called the perineum) are full of sensitive nerve endings! This area can feel good when touched, pressed, or gently massaged, so don’t overlook it.
If one finger starts to feel easy or your partner’s body seems to want more pressure, you can experiment with slowly adding a second finger. (FYI, this goes for vaginal fingering, too!) The key is to check in, go at the receiver’s pace, and make sure there’s — you guessed it — plenty of lube in rotation.
Everyone’s body is different, and there’s no “goal” number of fingers to reach. Some people prefer the fuller sensation that two fingers bring, while others find that one finger — or just external stimulation — feels best. The most important thing is that it’s a mutual yes and not something anyone feels pressured to do.
If you do add a second finger, try keeping them close together and moving in sync at first, rather than stretching them apart. Think gentle expansion, not sudden widening; the muscles around the anus need time to adjust!
A final and golden rule of anal play: what goes in the butt stays in the butt, at least until it’s been cleaned. Bacteria from the anus can cause infections if transferred to the vagina or urethra, so if you’re switching things up during a session, always change gloves, swap condoms, or wash hands and toys before touching anywhere else.
If you’re using toys, designate separate ones for anal versus vaginal play (or cover them with a fresh condom before switching). Keeping a towel or wipes nearby makes it easy to stay clean without breaking the mood — because good prep just means more time for pleasure.
How to finger yourself
If you’re both the giver and receiver of your finger play, know that most of the above advice for how to finger someone with a vulva applies to masturbation, too. And since you’re the one who’s directly experiencing how these different fingering techniques feel, you’ll be able to really figure out what works best and what doesn’t. Honestly, there’s kind of no better way to finetune your fingering style!
But first things first: As with all types of sex acts, including self-powered ones, it’s a good idea to start off by setting the mood. Mood setting will help you feel more relaxed and, well, sexy, regardless of whether a partner is involved. Dim the lights, light some candles, and slip into something you feel good in. You could even try making a special playlist to put on whenever the moment is right for some “you” time! Some people may like watching porn to get in the mood, too.
When you’re ready, go slowly at first. Using one or two fingers, try gently rubbing on or around your clitoris in rhythmic circles. You could also try rubbing across your vulva in an up-and-down or side-to-side motion, or gently tap your fingers on your clitoris or on other sensitive areas.
Try applying different amounts of pressure as you go. And even though clitorial stimulation is important to the way many people orgasm, don’t be afraid to finger more than just your clit! Many people enjoy stimulating their labia, nipples, or other erogenous zones as a part of fingering. Self-pleasure is super personal, so take your time finding the rhythm, pressure, and parts of the body that feel best for you.
Once aroused, you have the option of inserting a finger or two into your vagina or anus, or doing the same thing with a sex toy. (Just remember not to use the same fingers or toys for vaginal and anal play without cleaning them between body parts!) As Weiss mentioned earlier, some vibrators are designed to be worn on the tip of the finger, too, making them a perfect fingering accessory. And remember: Just because it’s solo sex doesn’t mean lube is off the table! For those of us with vulvas, a water-based lubricant can make things more comfortable, particularly if you’re fingering yourself or inserting a sex toy inside the vagina. (For the record, all of these same anal fingering and sex toy principles apply to masturbating as someone with a penis, too!)
Ultimately, pleasure is highly personal. That’s even truer when you consider the things that arouse us or feel good now may not do it for us in the future. Bodies, moods, and preferences change, and that makes fingering yourself (and masturbating just in general!) a good way of keeping tabs on what you like currently. That way, you’re always ready for some informed fingering fun, whether on your own or with a partner.
