Figuring out how to use a vibrator can be a little overwhelming, particularly when said vibrator is your very first sex toy. Just choosing between types of vibrators is a tall order: Should you go for that tiny little bullet vibrator or make like Chappell Roan and get a wand and a rabbit (even if the rabbit vibrator seems kind of intimidating)?
There’s a lot to discover about solo (or not solo!) sex with vibrators. That’s why Teen Vogue spoke to sex experts to get the best tips on how to use a vibrator — and which ones are the best for getting down as a first-timer.
“Buying a pleasure product for the first time is an exciting and freeing experience,” Kit Richardson, Product Director at the Museum of Sex told Teen Vogue. “You are investing in pleasure and yourself, so you want to make sure you do it the right way. Set aside the preconceived notions, myths, taboos, and guilt surrounding pleasure, and you are ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime.”
But first, let’s go over some basics. Below, find answers to:
- What is a vibrator?
- What are the different types of vibrators?
- What are vibrators made of?
- How to shop for a vibrator: In-store vs. online
- How to use a vibrator
What is a vibrator?
A vibrator is a sex toy that — you guessed it — vibrates. You can use it during solo masturbation, as well as during sex with other people. Vibrators can be used by people of all gender identities, no matter what genitalia you’re working with. In other words, vibrators aren’t just for use by and on vaginas. Some vibrators are meant to look or feel like a penis, but many aren’t. These sex toys are sometimes also called dildos; the difference is that not all dildos vibrate while all vibrators do.
So, how do vibrators work? Some of this has to do with the specific type of vibrator you’re using; we’ll get into more detail on vibrator types later. Most vibrators are either battery-powered or can be charged directly through an outlet. When turned on, they vibrate; some clitorial vibrators also provide a suction effect. Many come with multiple settings, allowing you to choose the speed, intensity and pattern of vibration. Vibrators can be used internally by being inserted into the vagina, anus, or mouth or externally such as on the clitoris, perineum or anywhere else on the surface of the body (but don't forget that anal toys should always have a flared base and you must use lube!). You can also buy dual-action vibrators that internally and externally stimulate you at the same time, as well as couples vibrators that can be used on more than one person at once.
Vibrators have had a long time to evolve, even if the popular story about them being invented as a Victorian-era cure for “female hysteria” isn’t exactly true. The first vibrator marketed as a product for sex was in 1903, but for the most part, they were sold as “personal massagers” up until the 1970s. Around that time, queer entrepreneurs changed the game by making vibrators an out-and-proud pleasure product in feminist sex toy shops. The vibes have been going strong since, with more money going into sex tech and innovative new products being released all the time. Which brings us to our next point:
What are the different types of vibrators?
We’d be here a while if we went into each and every type of vibrator in existence, so we’ll keep it to a basic overview. Some of the most common types of vibrators include:
- Bullet vibrator: Small and discreet, these are designed primarily for external use, usually to stimulate the clitoris or other erogenous zones.
- Clitorial stimulator: Some clitorial vibrators will be broad and palm-sized, intended to cover your whole hand. Others are meant for more targeted stimulation, and still others create a sucking sensation via suction. You can play around to figure out which type of stimulation you like best, or bring out different products at different times depending on what you’re in the mood for.
- Hands-free vibrator: Panty vibrators are a common version of this. Some are remote controlled, making them easy to use not only with yourself but also with a partner, even from a distance.
- The OG wand: If you close your eyes and picture a vibrator, there’s a chance that the first image that’ll come to mind is a wand vibrator. Old school and XL-sized, they look a bit like microphones, and they’ve stuck around for a reason.
- Classic vibrator: Your super-standard vibrator is slender enough to be used internally (but that doesn’t mean it can’t be used externally, too). They’re often in the ballpark of five to seven inches long and are likely to have a cylindrical or slightly tapered shape, making them easier to insert vaginally.
- G-Spot vibrator: Curved to target the G-spot’s erogenous zone (or area of higher sensitivity and pleasure), these vibrators often feature a bulbous or angled tip for more precise stimulation.
- A-Spot vibrator: There are also vibrators out there designed to reach the anterior fornix erogenous zone, or A-Spot, which is near the G-spot but a bit deeper in the vaginal canal.
- Anal vibrator: There are plenty of vibrators meant for anal use, too, and they come with a flared base to prevent them from being inserted too far. Although you should also be careful with how deeply you insert a vibrator vaginally, the vagina comes with a natural barrier (the cervix). The rectum doesn’t, which can make it easier for a sex toy to go too far up and even get lost, requiring medical attention. That’s why it’s important, if doing anal play, to always use a vibrator designed for anal play.
- Rabbit vibrator: The rabbit is a type of dual-action vibrator, designed to provide both internal and external stimulation at the same time via two prongs that look a bit like bunny ears (hence the name). There are also triple-action vibrators, which can stimulate the anus, vagina, and clitoris at the same time.
- Wearable vibrator: The hands-free panty vibrators we mentioned earlier are a form of this, but the list of wearable vibrators doesn’t stop there. From vibrating cock rings to high-tech remote controlled options, innovations in wearable technology — including this kind of wearable tech — are happening all the time.
- Motorized, moving vibrator: We’ll be real here: for your first time using a vibrator, this is probably not the type to go with (if you ever go this route at all!). But heavier-duty, motorized vibrators do exist; you’ll often see them referred to as a “thrusting vibrator.”
What are vibrators made of?
When picking out a first vibrator, the material your new toy is made of is extremely important. First, you want to make sure that your vibrator can be easily cleaned. According to Planned Parenthood, washing them with mild soap and water after use is a must-do, and you can even use a condom to ensure they stay clean and to prevent spreading STDs if you're using them with a partner. You’ll definitely want to make sure and change the condom before the vibrator touches another person’s genitals, though. There are also cleaners made just for sex toys that you can purchase.
Next up: Make sure your toy is made of a non-toxic, non-porous material like medical-grade silicone, borosilicate glass, and metals like stainless steel or aluminum. According to Planned Parenthood, porous vibrators can pose unseen danger, as bacteria can get stuck in the pores and be transferred to your body when you’re using the vibrator. Between nonporous material types, the material you choose often comes down to sensation and personal preference. Silicone vibrators are smooth and soft, while glass and metal can offer a sleeker feel. Whenever possible, look for products that are advertised as phthalate-free, too; a type of chemical used in plastics, they’ve been shown to pose health risks and have been found in many plastic sex toys.
How to shop for a vibrator: In-store vs. online
There’s the obvious difference between the two: in one scenario, you’re working with a sales associate to find the best vibrator IRL, and in the other, you’re researching on your own. They both have their pros and cons. First, if you’re concerned about privacy or you don’t feel comfortable shopping in a physical store for a vibrator, online retailers are a fantastic option. But if you go this route, make sure you research past customer reviews, as well as the materials the vibrator is made of. You can take your time reading up on each option. Many online stores also offer discrete packaging, so you won’t even remember what it is when it shows up on your doorstep.
If you’re going to shop for a vibrator at a physical store, you have the benefit of asking a professional questions in real-time. They are trained to help with these kinds of tasks and will often ask you a couple of leading questions so they can make the right recommendation. Be warned: You may be asked about physical sensations and erogenous zones that bring you pleasure, as well as anything that makes you uncomfortable. If you aren’t ready to talk about this with someone else, you may want to go with a friend who has experience purchasing a vibrator and can help guide you. Feeling uncomfortable speaking about your sex life is completely normal and know that you should never be forced into this conversation.
How to use a vibrator: 11 steps to vibing out
If you’re having a hard time getting out of your head, a little ambiance goes a long way when it comes to using a vibrator, Richardson said.
“Plan your sexperience with a date night for yourself,” she said. “Take a bath, light some candles, and even turn on some Billie Eilish. Relaxation and arousal are essential to experiencing pleasure, and if your body is prepared, [your] vibrator is charged, and your mind is at ease, pleasure will come naturally.”
Try: This little wand vibrator by Luna, which has a powerful vibration that you can use on the muscles all over your body to release tension during a full-body self-massage before you use it to get down.
Nothing kills the mood like a dead battery.
“If battery-operated, make sure to use fresh batteries,” said sexologist Megan Stubbs, EdD, author of Playing Without a Partner: A Singles’ Guide to Sex, Dating, and Happiness. “Don't pull the ones from your remote — they aren't strong enough. If it’s a rechargeable vibe, make sure it’s fully charged. You don't want [the] disappointment of being so close to orgasm only to have your toy die on you.” Here’s a list of the best vibrators on Amazon to get your shopping started.
Try: A classic, rechargeable Magic Wand, which is cordless, uses a long-lasting battery, and features four different intensity levels and four vibration patterns to boot. Forget to charge it in advance? You also give it a spin while it’s plugged in.
It’s understandable to feel a little performance anxiety even when you’re going solo, but don't be afraid to go slow and figure out what feels good to you. “This isn’t a race,” Richardson told Teen Vogue. “[S]ometimes, when we go too quickly, especially when pleasure is involved, we miss the beauty of the process.”
Try: The Flex Vibrator from Crave, a USB rechargeable vibe that boasts an extra-long battery life, so you can take all the time you need.
You can have all the right materials, but it can be hard to get started if you don’t know what you like! “If you haven’t explored your body and the sensations that turn you on, you’ll have some difficulty picking the right product,” Richardson advised. “Spend some time navigating the pleasure points of your body. Once you’ve established what feels good, [whether it's] internal stimulation, external stimulation, or even both, you are ready to start the process of your pleasure product purchase.”
Try: Unbound Babes’ Bender, which Richardson highly recommends. “The Bender is a flexible vibe that lets you change the shape of the toy to find what works best for your anatomy,” she says. “ … Who doesn’t want more agency over their orgasms?”
Don’t forget that most vibrators come with multiple settings and that they might feel extra good to you in certain contexts — but you’ll only know if you try.
“Play around with different techniques, settings, and positions,” Richardson said. “The same vibrator may feel different when you are lying on your stomach versus when you are lying on your back. Get creative. This is your time.” Fun fact: Some are even designed to simulate oral sex.
Try: Satisfyer’s Purple Pleasure, a quiet vibrator and palm-sized clitoral stimulator that comes with 15 different vibration settings and makes charging via a USB port easy.
If you have some trouble finding what you want, why not make what you want? “Versatility is sexy, but so is customizability,” Richardson said. “There are products on the market that allow you, the user, to customize your toy for the best experience.” From curved spot vibrators aimed at hitting your G spot and the more vintage wand vibrators that focus on clitoral stimulation, you have a whole lot of options.
Try: The Rave from We-Vibe, a unique asymmetrical vibe that offers the ultimate in control: “[It’s] app-compatible and gives you the opportunity to create your own vibration settings from your smartphone,” Richardson says.
The fun isn’t just in the sex toys, Richardson highlights: there are gels and lubes that can help enhance your pleasure. “These enhancers can be used to add extra sensation to playtime,” Richardson explained. “Often a gel can be applied directly to the clitoris. Enhancers encourage more blood flow to the area, making you more sensitive, and [they] can have warming, cooling, and even tingly effects.” Keep in mind: Water-based lube is the easiest to clean up.
Try: Coconu’s Wave Bundle, which comes with a platinum-grade silicone vibrator, charging cord, storage case, and your choice of organic oil-based lube, water-based lube, or hemp-infused body oil.
It’s good to be goal-oriented, but in this case, don’t get too stressed about the big O. Focus on having a good time instead, and remind yourself that there’s no “right” way to do it.
“Don’t get discouraged,” Richardson told Teen Vogue. “It’s a new experience and can take a few times getting used to. Have patience and take your time. Our goal isn’t orgasm, our goal is pleasure.”
Try: The Emojibator Eggplant Emoji Vibrator that will remind you to have fun with it. It’s made from flexible silicone, waterproof, and rechargeable.
We’re talking literally here: Keep your vibrators and sex toys clean. “You’ve invested in a product and yourself, so you want to make sure that product lasts,” Richardson pointed out. “Cleaning your product is key to a long toy life and a happy body.”
Try: PlusOne Toy Cleaning Wipes, which “are body and toy safe, discreet, and easy to travel with,” Richardson says. Want other options? “Without a doubt, Intimate Earth Green Foaming toy cleaner is one of the most natural cleaners on the market, and if you are looking for more of a spray, Sliquid Shine is the way to go,” she says.
Don’t just toss your sex toys under your bed when they’re not in use. It’s important to have a designated, clean place to store them, Richardson highlighted: “Wash your toys before and after use. Now, that is ideal, and we often get caught up in the moment and don’t have time to clean beforehand; therefore, just make sure once playtime is done, you clean your toy with your new cleaner and keep it in a safe spot away from the sun, dust, and other toys.”
Try: A storage box for your toys, like a Joyboxx — and keep them separate. “Some toy materials can react with one another causing the materials to become unsafe and a bit melted looking,” Richardson added. “Protect those toys and yourself with a good cleaner and anti-microbial storage bag.”
Stubbs highlights that you don’t have to marry your first vibrator. You might opt to buy budget versions of different styles before investing in a higher-price product. “Try multiple styles of toys!” Stubbs emphasizes. “If one toy doesn't work for you, try another type like a bullet, wand, dual motor, rabbit, pebble, or ride-on toy.”
Try: A toy that comes with different attachments, like the Complete Le Wand Petite Pleasure Set, which comes with different wand heads, making it like five sex toys in one.
12. Safety matters
Another safety consideration is making sure you stay comfortable the entire time. “Light to moderate pressure is safest if you are using a clitoral vibrator for the first time,” says pelvic floor physical therapist Heather Jeffcoat, DPT. “While we want to stimulate [the clitoris], we don’t want to hurt it. Over additional uses, your self-exploration will help you determine how much pressure is best for you.” In addition, she recommends using lube for any penetrative activity in order to avoid friction, which could lead to discomfort or tearing.
Try: A water-based lube, which works with silicone toys. (Silicone lubes can degrade the material and make it porous.) Howard recommends Lovehoney Enjoy Water-Based Lubricant, which is compatible with latex and polyurethane condoms as well as all sex toy materials. It's slippery and long-lasting and comes in an easy-to-use 8.5-ounce pump bottle that should allow for many uses.
13. Know that masturbation is good for you
In case you feel any guilt around masturbating, it should help you to know that masturbation has benefits for your health as well as your sex life. “An orgasm releases what I like to call a 'DOSE of Happy’… dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and epinephrine,” says Jeffcoat. “These are our feel-good hormones and neurotransmitters that are involved in our experience of pleasure. This can be especially important if you experience pain—for example, from period cramping.” In addition, masturbating helps you figure out what you like so that you can then communicate that to a partner.
Try: A dual-stimulation vibe like BASICS Beginner’s Rabbit Vibrator ($19.99). “You can’t go wrong with the classic rabbit vibrator,” says Howard. “The rabbit vibrator is great as a beginner toy for those who want clitoral and vaginal stimulation.” This one is easy to use, with a twist base to control the speed, and can help you figure out what you like in terms of clitoral stimulation and penetration.
14. Don't be afraid to introduce your vibrator to your partner
"The great thing about vibrators is that any vibrator can be used with a partner," says Howard. For many people, vibrators can provide the clitoral stimulation needed to orgasm during sex. Make sure to let your partner know what feels good to you—you could even use the toy on yourself while they watch. In addition, you can find creative ways to use a vibrator on a partner as well, no matter what genitals they have. “If your partner has a penis, you can also use your vibrator at the base of their penis or underneath their scrotum and help them discover new erogenous zones,” says Jeffcoat.
Try: “The We-Vibe Moxie App and Remote Control Wearable Clitoral Panty Vibrator ($139) is great for couples,” says Howard. “Panty vibes are great for date nights and long-distance sex play, since it can be controlled with an app.” You can use this by itself or use the magnet it comes with to attach it to your underwear, and you or a partner can control it using a remote control or We-Vibe's We-Connect app.
This article was first published in 2020 and has been recently updated.
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