In this op-ed, Annalise Huang reflects on her dad's multicultural identity and how it taught her to belong. This story is an adaptation of Huang's episode of On Our Minds, the PBS News Student Reporting Labs’ podcast about teen life, well being, and mental health.
Growing up, I didn’t think twice when my dad spoke Spanish with his siblings. I was raised on encebollado stew like it was water, humming the tunes of Spanish music before I was old enough to even realize these songs weren’t in English. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized there was something unconventional about these traditions.
My dad is Chinese, and my mom is Vietnamese. And yet, “Apaga la luz!” was my dad’s favorite exasperated phrase, yelling for us to turn off the lights in Spanish whenever we rushed out the door.
My dad was born in China, but immigrated to Ecuador at the age of five. Being raised in the South American country, he fully embraced its culture as his own despite having no prior knowledge of the language or customs. At the same time, looking noticeably different from his neighbors and peers made this transition difficult and uncomfortable at times.
This feeling of alienation and the challenge to belong is something many of us experience in our lives. Whether it’s moving to a new school or struggling to show your true personality in an unfamiliar group, being yourself isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s often filled with uncertainties.
How do you find acceptance in spaces where you are vastly different from the people around you? How can you respond to being treated differently for the things that set you apart? How do you maintain the complexities of your unique identity while also searching for a sense of belonging?
To answer some of these questions, I had a conversation with my dad, who is my inspiration in life. His unconventional upbringing makes him a prime example of someone who has struggled to find belonging.
“I can definitely tell you that it wasn't easy,” he admitted, addressing his experiences as the only Chinese family in his Ecuadorian town. “It's just a big part of human nature to want to fit in, and when you look differently and speak differently than the people around you, it's really difficult.”
In fact, science can even validate the challenging whirlwind of emotions you face when you feel like the odd one out. Psychologists say that the need for acceptance is a basic human instinct. When the desire to belong is such a fundamental part of our nature, it makes sense that being different or out of place can feel so intensely uncomfortable.
My dad is well acquainted with this sensation. At 17, he moved from Ecuador to the United States, tackling yet another dramatic culture shift that challenged his identity even further. Balancing these three cultures — his family’s Chinese traditions, the Ecuadorian culture he was raised with, and the American customs he now embraces as an adult — is understandably difficult. “I sometimes struggle with feeling like I belong to one culture or another,” he confessed.
Interestingly, though grappling with his internal feelings of belonging may be challenging, outwardly representing the various aspects of his identity comes easily for my dad.
“All these cultures and traditions are just part of my identity, and so when I just show up every day, it feels like I'm really representing all these aspects,” he said. “Maybe I'm celebrating Chinese New Year with my parents, but I'm also speaking English because I'm in America, and I'm listening to my Spanish music with you on the car ride home from school.”
As his daughter, I can wholeheartedly attest to this. When I think of my dad, I don’t conjure the name of a country or one of the three languages he is able to speak. Instead, I think of his compassionate nature, unwavering patience, and passion for what he cares about — including the places he has lived and loved.
The truth is, identities are complex and multifaceted. It can be confusing and overwhelming to attempt to pinpoint or label the things that make you uniquely you. The common advice to “be yourself,” however exhausted it may be, is important to remember when it feels like you don’t fully belong in any box or under any title.
Uninhibited self-expression can even help deflect against stereotyping and microaggression, which can be present in situations where you appear different from the majority.
When asked if he ever felt treated differently for his appearance, my dad shared one of his favorite examples of this. “People will see that I'm a Chinese man, and so they'll try to say ‘Ni Hao’ to me. I know it’s impossible to ask for someone to know that I'm from Ecuador because I do look Asian, but I do think that in America, because we are so diverse, it's kind of odd to me.”
His lighthearted response? Speaking in rapid-fire Spanish and catching them off guard. “I hope that message really sticks with them and people know that going into the future, you can't always assume just because of how someone looks,” my dad told me. “Oftentimes, you'll find that a lot of people's backgrounds and histories are more complex than you would initially think, and I think that's really beautiful.”
This conversation with my dad helped me understand not only the complexities but also the beauty in our complicated and confusing identities. My dad is red envelopes on Lunar New Year and heartfelt conversations in Cantonese with my Mama and Yeye; animated stories told alongside his siblings about their childhood in Ecuador and his favorite Spanish band, La Oreja de Van Gogh; and now the Super Bowl parties and Thanksgiving dinners that may or may not feature an Ecuadorian stew alongside the traditional turkey and mashed potatoes.
Just like my dad, people’s identities are beautifully intricate and deeply personal. Our identities are the unique culmination of the places we’ve lived, the people we’ve met, and the things we’ve experienced. Ultimately, the key to fitting in may just be standing out — embracing your intricacies and differences when one group or label can’t quite encapsulate everything that defines who you are.
As my dad wisely puts it: “Use your loved ones, really share what you know and what you love with the people in your life. I promise you as you share your culture, other people find it interesting and beautiful… Share what you know and love, who you are, and what makes you unique.”
