In this op-ed, Jay Saper explores a progressive approach to Bat Mitvah, as laid out in the new book, Questions to Ask Before Your Bat Mitzvah
A 19-year-old accused neo-Nazi who lived in my Midwest hometown was indicted in June for allegedly planning to carry out a mass shooting at Congregation Shaarey Zedek in East Lansing, Michigan on the fifth anniversary of the mosque massacre in Christchurch, New Zealand. The Michigan synagogue he was planning to attack is where I became a Bat Mitzvah.
For many Jews growing up in the wake of the Trump administration, publicly affirming our Jewish identity has increasingly become a political act. From the deadly 2017 neo-Nazi rally in Charlottesville, to the 2018 Tree of Life Synagogue massacre in Pittsburgh, emboldened white supremacists have attacked our communities.
But many young Jews today are not backing down. Instead, we are proudly anchoring ourselves in our beautiful, ancient tradition; reinventing it to speak to our lives in this moment; and embracing our Jewish identity as an unshakeable commitment to social justice. Our Judaism is, in part, an expression of solidarity with all communities threatened by white supremacy, from antisemitism and anti-Black racism, to Islamophobia and xenophobia.
Part of that reinvention is unpacking some of the ideas we have around the coming of age ritual often referred to as a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, which is typically celebrated in Jewish communities around the age of 13. The young people — the changemakers leading this exciting work — tell their stories in the new book Questions to Ask Before Your Bat Mitzvah, which I edited with Morgan Bassichis and Rachel Valinsky. If you’re looking for a progressive approach to this ceremony, see their tips below:
You don’t need money to have a good party
The Bat Mitzvah made its way to the big screen this summer, with Sunny and Sadie Sandler starring in Sammi Cohen’s adaptation of Fiona Rosenbloom’s You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah. The film approaches the ritual with levity, reveling in Jewish humor. It is only one story, however, and cannot be mistaken as an accurate reflection of the many vibrant ways people celebrate the ritual today. After all, not every Bat Mitzvah comes with a multimillion dollar Hollywood budget.
Satya Zamudio, who grew up with a Jewish mother and Mexican Catholic father in Oakland, California, used her Bat Mitzvah as an opportunity to weave together the communities she loves. She challenged the notion, rooted in a pernicious stereotype of wealthy Jews, that a Bat Mitzvah boils down to little more than a lavish party.
“You don’t need money to have a good party,” Zamudio said in Questions to Ask Before Your Bat Mitzvah. “All you really need is the people you care about most, the people who are going to celebrate you. The best party I’ve ever been to was at a public park! You could do it on the sidewalk and it could still be amazing.”
Zamudio connected her Torah portion (which she critiqued) to the work of activist group ACT UP, which formed during the AIDS crisis. While she had been nervous preparing for the big day, Zamudio noticed her anxiety float away as she delivered a passionate drash denouncing stigma and shame.
Zamudio’s father’s friends played music during the ceremony as her rabbi blessed her. Everyone danced afterward. Her community lifted her in a chair up and down in celebration.
You get to reinvent tradition to honor your full self
When Judith Kaplan Eisenstein became the first Bat Mitzvah a century ago, she ignited a feminist reinvention of the Bar Mitzvah, a process still unfolding.
As Rabbi Miriam Grossman of Brooklyn, New York, explains in Questions to Ask Before Your Bat Mitzvah, “As more and more girls entered ritual space, they left a mark. Communities got creative, reinventing tradition. The Bat Mitzvah gave way to the B’nai Mitzvah or B-Mitzvah—the same coming of age ritual, but renamed without the gendered language.”
Lukaza Branfman-Verissimo grew up in a secular Yiddishist community in Los Angeles committed to social justice. When asked if they wanted to have a Bat Mitzvah, they said in the book, “Yes, I do want a Bat Mitzvah. Yes, I am interested in reclaiming this tradition so that it feels like me. How could this ritual not be for me? And us and we?”
As a self-identified Black, white, queer, nonbinary, disabled, secular Jewish artist, Branfman-Verissimo embraced the ritual as a marker in time to celebrate their multiple identities and honor how they are constantly in a process of becoming.
With their Bat Mitzvah, Branfman-Verissimo invited those around them to grow as well, “Won’t you celebrate this marker in time that feels right for me?! Won’t you shift your understanding of when and how this ritual could look and instead lean into possibilities?”
You can ask big questions — nothing is off limits
Judaism is a tradition that regards questions as sacred. As the queer Jewish artist Morgan Bassichis observed in the book, “Young Jews today are asking big questions about climate change, white supremacy, consent, mental health, identity, and more — nothing is off limits.”
Candlemaker Jonah Aline Daniel wanted to know, “Why do people plant trees in Israel as Bat Mitzvah gifts?” They traveled to the region to learn more.
Daniel said they found that some trees planted in Israel as Bat Mitzvah gifts may be pine trees placed on the ruins of Palestinian villages, potentially hiding the history of the people who once lived on that land.
Daniel is convinced it doesn’t have to be this way, “We can return to our traditions of valuing human life and embracing trees for healing and connection to earth.”
A growing number of Jews are joining Daniel, using their Bat Mitzvah as an opportunity to invite their community to plant olive trees instead.
By reclaiming the healing potential of trees, Daniel is embodying the Jewish commitment to repairing the world, while acknowledging, as Bassichis put it, “being Jewish and supporting Palestinian freedom go together as naturally as latkes and applesauce.”
You have community and ancestors behind you and with you always
Jewish girls and women, as well as trans and nonbinary Jews, have always been at the forefront of creating vibrant, diverse, inclusive Jewish communities that have helped us flourish as a diasporic people, among and between many cultures.
Your Bat Mitzvah — or whatever you would like to call it — is an opportunity to join that legacy through making the tradition your own.
“You have community,” Rabbi Grossman reminded us, “And what’s more, you have ancestors behind you and with you always.”
