Why Did Erika Titus Shave Her Head? Stranger Things and Self-Discovery

Erika Titus never thought she’d shave her head, but the urge to chop off all her hair kept her stir crazy for days last December. “I’m not sure what caused the initial thought—maybe I was watching Stranger Things, so I was thinking about [Eleven’s] [shaved] head,” Titus tells Teen Vogue over Zoom.

For the uninitiated, Titus is one of TikTok’s leading beauty creators. The 23-year-old, hailing from Oahu, Hawaii, boasts over four million followers on the platform alone. She’s known for her experimental makeup tutorials, occasional clothing hauls, vulnerable tangents, and off-the-wall challenges with her siblings, Kirsten and Jacob.

Naturally, Titus chronicled the days leading up to the drastic hair transformation on TikTok. Little did she know that the “Bald Series” would rack up millions of views (at the time of writing, her most-watched vlog is at 28 million views and counting), and, as expected, the comment section festered with mixed opinions.

But underneath the seemingly impulsive decision was a very intentional way of thinking about beauty standards and social media pressure. She'd been experiencing late night feelings of “self-loathing,” she explains. “I didn’t feel good about myself or the content that I was putting out, either.” At first, Titus had her doubts about the chop. “I thought, ‘I could never do this because it would be bad for my career."

But the choice ended up bringing her a clean slate ahead of the new year—online and in real life. Ahead, Teen Vogue chats with Erika Titus about the process of shaving her head, how her upbringing and societal beauty standards influenced her decision, and what she's thinking about next.

Erika Titus: I grew up Mormon. That was the first time that I felt exposed to beauty standards. Because of the modesty rules, we had to dress and do our hair in a certain way. On top of that, my grandma—I love her so much; she’s amazing—she’s Korean and Filipino. Beauty is very important to her, and those ideas were pushed onto my mom. Growing up, I think my mom tried her best not to let that affect us too much, particularly when it came to having pale skin. Even then, she couldn’t completely shield us from Asian beauty standards.

I don’t know why I felt this way, but I felt my only value was in being beautiful. It was hard for me because my older sister, Kirsten, is super pretty and funny. I didn’t want to be the ugly sister, but it was as if my sister was setting such a high bar for me. That definitely put pressure on me, and I always felt I needed to be beautiful all of the time.

Courtesy of Erika Titus.

ET: I started making content at a young age. I started posting consistently on TikTok at 18, and my platform grew. Once I started making beauty content, I still felt confident in what I was posting, and I was having fun doing makeup. As time went on, I thought I’d adjust to everything. But the complete opposite happened. I lost confidence because I received comments online that were attacking my personality. It was the first time I started to be like, “I'm not funny. I'm not pretty. I'm not anything actually.” So, beauty felt like a shield for me. I was like, “As long as I look good in this video, people aren't going to really attack my personality too much.”

Then, it spiraled. There’s been an influx of eating disorder content right now. Social media has always been this way—and I’m not trying to police what anybody does with their bodies—but it’s scary to me. It’s also become the norm to get work done rather than doing inner work within yourself. I’ve done a few procedures on my face for the sake of beauty content. I thought my videos would perform better, or people would think I’m beautiful, and that I’d feel better about myself. I didn’t feel worse after the fact, but I didn’t feel any better at all.

That’s when I realized this has gone to a point where I feel so bad about who I am on the outside and on the inside. It was like slapping a Band-Aid on a deep wound that needed to be fixed internally. I had known myself so well as a beauty content creator that I had lost the ability to see myself outside of that. Even now, I’m struggling with body image issues. So, the idea of shaving my head felt like the drastic change I needed to let myself grow.

ET: Hair is so important in many cultures. I went on a TikTok-slash-YouTube deep dive of people who had shaved their heads—Black women [especially] have been doing this. The women [I was seeing] really understand what it means to be beautiful. That really appealed to me; if I got rid of all my hair, just like this clean slate, it would also be like a like a starting new.

ET: I was fully dissociating. I did not feel real that entire day. I’ve always had bad anxiety, and I haven’t tried new things because of it. For so long, I didn’t think I was good enough to do anything. But if I shaved my head, maybe everything I want to try won’t feel so scary after that.

I told my best friend my mantra for the new year. I was like, “I don’t want to be embarrassed about anything. I don’t want to be afraid of trying new things.” It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks, as long as I’m happy with myself. So, it was just the initial fear of getting over the big cut.

ET: The responses to my initial TikTok video started supportive, but gradually ended on the side of TikTok that I did not want it to land on—but maybe also, arguably, the side it needed to land on the most. I was surprised because the video went beyond my regular audience. I didn’t expect the anger. Most of the angry comments were like, “This is optional, you know, you don’t have to do this,” or “I don't know why you’re crying about it.”

What was really touching to me was the amount of people who tagged me in videos of them shaving their heads too. It felt like a journey that we could do together. We could all start new together. Our hair would grow together. We would grow together. It would be really fun.

ET: So far, I bleached my head and hated it. I’m glad that I tried it because now I’m less afraid of experimenting with it, which is already a win for me. In the past, I worried so much about what my audience was going to think or if I’d lose deals if my hair looked bad. I don’t have to worry so much anymore. I was excited to hate my hair, if that makes sense … this matters so much less now. I can just change it and it's fine.

I’m constantly figuring out what I like and what's beautiful to me. I feel like this is the most androgynous I’ve ever let myself be. Ever since I shaved my head, I haven’t been wearing much makeup, either. I’m seeing myself in a new light.

ET: I feel less afraid to do so. It’s baby steps. I noticed I’m more open to speaking my mind. I’ve always been a pushover in the past. Now, I feel like shaving my head has inspired me to create boundaries for myself. I’m much more confident in saying no and in who I am overall. I’m letting myself be who I want to be.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.